Annotated dialogue from an adult film

I will not go into detail as to how I first became aware of the film in question, other than to say that I watched it in the spirt of inquiry and discovery.

Unfortunately, I do not know the film’s title or production history. It appears to have been made in the 1970s, a period of time referred to as the “Golden Age of Pornography.” Many adult films made in this era had aspirations beyond the erotic, and had complex characters and plots.

This is not one of those films.

[Suzie enters a bedroom, presumably belonging to Cindy. Cindy is, shall we say, enjoying her time alone.]

Cindy: I guess this is a classic example of getting caught with your pants down. I hope you’re not embarrassed.

Cindy is not wearing pants. 

Suzie: Well, a little. I mean, I shouldn’t’ve just walked in on you. And…Cindy, what is this thing?

Cindy: This? It’s my erogenous belt. Here, you can take a look at it if you’d like. Just be very gentle. It’s very special.

I’m not sure what an erogenous belt is. The belt in question looks like something awarded by World Wrestling Entertainment. 

Suzie: This is incredible! Where did you get it?

Cindy: Out of this world, isn’t it? I made it myself. Built by a woman for a woman. It takes me anywhere I want to go. Sometimes, it’s nothing short of cosmic.

I appreciate the ethos of this film. It’s very much of its time–women reclaiming, or maybe just claiming, their sexuality, and engaging in traditionally male activities, like (sex toy) construction.

That said, they could have put a little more into the production design budget. The underside of of the erogenous belt looks like it’s made from red Jell-O and Christmas lights.

Suzie: Gee, you mean all you have to do is push a button and get off?

Cindy: It’s programmed for multiple orgasms. [space noises] Maximum duration cycle is 45 minutes. Any more than that’ll make you crazy, even after years of practice. Oh, but I don’t want to bore you with these technical details.

Suzie: No, actually I’m really very interested. Do you think I could borrow it some time?

Cindy: Well, I couldn’t let you borrow it. It’s not that I don’t trust you. The belt is very delicate. But, I could show you how to use it.

Suzie: Just think: if every woman had an erogenous belt, we wouldn’t have to worry about erections.

Cindy: Sure, Suzie. But there are alternatives.

Suzie: Like what?

Cindy: Like real human contact.

Cindy, I wholeheartedly agree.This is a timeless sentiment. It may even be more appropriate now, in our socially-networked age, than it was at the time of this script’s drafting.

[Acoustic guitar with embellishments. A low-budget Crosby, Stills, and Nash, but with saxophone. Kissing, etc.]

[Sounds of human movement outside the room. This man is standing in the doorway.]

Suzie: Hey. Who’s that? His belt is just like yours. Are you guys going steady?

In the universe in which this film is set, erogenous belts are the new letterman jackets. 

Cindy: Oh hi, Dort. Dort is my friend from Wyoming. Dort, meet my neighbor Suzie.

I’m not sure why it’s relevant that Dort is from Wyoming. If I were from Wyoming, I would not want to be associated with this gentleman. 

Suzie: Mmm. Pleased to meet you. Do you always pop in so unexpectedly?

Dort: Yes, of course. What is that big bulge you have on your chest? I think I love you.

Dort is played with gusto. I love the way he delivers his lines–quickly, so he doesn’t forget them while he’s speaking. Or maybe he does forget them, which explains the non-sequitur.

Suzie: What?

Cindy: Well, Dort’s sort of what you’d call a blank slate. You never know what he’s gonna come up with next.

Dort’s character is obviously a comment on the nature of human existence. 

Suzie: He’s so cute.

Again, this is what Dort looks like:

Cindy: Did you enjoy your day in Marin?

Dort: I found the experience…stimulating. The people of Marin resemble a race of artificial humanoids who once inhabited a large planet in a distant sector of my home quadrant. Seeking solutions for their malfunctioning circuitry, they created many conflicting fads and cults. Their civilization vanished all together after they poisoned themselves eating a substance remarkably similar to your Earth Twinkies. It was supposed to elicit a greater understanding of why there is water. Obviously, their race became the butt of many intergalactic jokes.

“Seeking solutions for their malfunctioning circuitry”–Dort spits like Biggie. 

Dort is now also serving as a comment on human actions. A prescient one, given current obesity rates.

This is an intergalactic joke: Why didn’t the Dog Star laugh at the joke? He was too Sirius.  

Technically, that’s just a galactic joke. 

Cindy: Forget them, and forget Marin. Come over here.

Dort: It’s about time you fucked me, you asshole!

I guess human nature makes us quick to anger.

Suzie: [laughs] Wait a second. What?

Oh Suzie, you’re so naive. 

[Dort jumps into bed. Kissing, etc. More music, low-budget Simon and Garfunkel this time. Something that wouldn’t be out of place near the end of The Graduate, except for the space noises.]


2 Comments on “Annotated dialogue from an adult film”

  1. Jonathan H. says:

    I’m disappointed by the lack of Tim Tebow in this scene.

  2. Diana L. says:

    Congratulations, Mike, for necessitating our first NSFW tag. It only took us 7 posts.

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